I got this from an online friend. It's pretty funny and thought-provoking, but there are a few things I don't quite agree with. Bringing a gun to school seems a bit much, for instance, and punishing a child with a belt is something I would NEVER advocate!
Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1967 - Vice principal comes over to look at Jack's shotgun. He goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock down, and FBI is called. Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1967 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends.
2007 - Police called. SWAT team arrives. Johnny and Mark are arrested and charged with assault. Both are expelled even though Johnny started it.
Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1967 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the principal. He returns to class, sits still, and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey is diagnosed with ADD and given huge doses of Ritalin; becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a learning disability.
Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1967 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is placed in foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist convinces Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself, and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.
Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1967 - Mark shares aspirin with principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - Police called. Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. Car is searched for drugs and weapons.
Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
1967 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college, and graduates.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given a diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, and blows up a red ant bed.
1967 - Ants die.
2007 - Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, Homeland Security, and FBI called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates parents; siblings are removed from home; computers confiscated. Johnny's dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Heather. Heather hugs him to comfort him.
1967 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Heather is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in state prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy.
Mike made brownies for the girls, and here they are licking the bowl--the best part!!! They're staying an extra night, and everyone is having a nice time.
Tonight, my grandaughters and their dad (my son) spent the night here. That part was great, but the reason they were here wasn't.
Last Monday, Sarah, my ex-daughter-in-law, called and asked if I would like to have my grandaughters to spend the night on Friday (tonight). Of course I said yes, even though I knew this was her weekend to have the girls. I didn't find out until a couple days later that she had picked that night to marry the guy she left Mike for after cheating on him for months. Mike's brother, Miles, told me I should refuse to watch them, but I told him that would hurt the girls more than anyone. When Mike found out, he called me and said he'd like to spend the night here with the girls, so of course I was glad to say yes. But all of us think that it was pretty cold of Sarah to call me and want me to keep her kids so she could marry this woman-beater. The ironic thing is that her whole family stayed away except for her mother and her brother.
Sarah called and asked to speak to the girls this afternoon to tell them that she is an Utley now (the name of her new husband). I told the girls that my parents had divorced when I was their age, and you can still love a stepfather even though you love and are loyal to your real father. I hope I helped them. Mike wasn't happy--the divorce only became final about a month ago, and her new husband had beaten her up only a few weeks ago, but he seemed to be okay and glad to be with his kids. So we made it through the night. And Mike made it through this last year, and hasn't had a drink since 4th of July. And he's found a church that is really helping him. So I'm praying that God will help us get through all this.
Five Things on my To Do List for Today:
1. Take my grandaughters to the park.
2. Get back with Flylady--I've been a bad girl lately!
3. Laundry.
4. Clean out fridge.
5. Help my son get through tonight (his ex-wife is getting married today.)
Five Snacks I enjoy:
1. Cheese
2. Popcorn
3. Sour Cream & Cheddar potato chips.
4. Ice Cream.
5. Popcycles.
Five songs I know the lyrics to:
1. Take it Easy by the Eagles.
2. Theme to Sponge-Bob Squarepants.
3. Witchy Woman by the Eagles.
4. You are My Sunshine (My grandma sang it to me, and I sang it to my children and grandchildren)
5. I Saw Her Standing There by the Beatles.
Five of my bad habits:
1. Procrastination.
2. I like to drink wine a teensy little more than it's healthy for me.
3. Too much time surfing the net.
4. Very disorganized.
5. I don't exercise as much as I should.
Five things I'd do if I were a millionaire:
1. Pay off my debts.
2. Pay off my children's debts.
3. Buy myself a house.
4. Give money to my kids so they could buy a house.
5. Travel.
Five things I will never wear again:
1. Revealing clothes (there's too much of me to reveal!)
2. High heels (my feet & back won't allow it)
3. Anything that makes me feel ugly.
4. Horn-rimmed glasses.
5. Anything torn or stained.
Five of my favorite toys:
1. My computer.
2. My camera.
3. My DVR.
4. My scrap punches.
5. My scrap distressing ink.
NOW I TAG THESE PEOPLE TO ANSWER THE SAME:
1. Fred
2. My sister Judy
3. My daughter Valerie.
4. JanTGrits
5. bluegumsmith
Here is a poem that I would like said at my "good-bye party".
When I have come to the end of the road and the sun has set for me,
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room;
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little and not too long,
and not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared,
Miss me, but let me go.
For this is a journey that we all must take,
and each must go alone.
It's all part of life's plan,
a step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick at heart,
Go to the family and friends we know,
and bury your sorrows in doing good deeds,
Miss me, but let me go.
author: unknown
I hope that at my last party, my family and friends will gather and do a "shot" on me, and share some of the silly things I've said and done. I'm egotistical enough to want a few tears, but like the poem says, "miss me, but let me go." What do you hope for your last party?
